Responding to a disclosure
Anyone may receive a disclosure of gender-based and sexual violence at any time. Here are tips on how to respond.
- Believe and empathize. Saying “I believe you” is one of the most powerful ways you can support a survivor.
- Listen without judgment. Provide a safe space for the person to share as much or as little information as they choose. Don’t overwhelm the person with questions. You are not an investigator.
- Validate their feelings. Let them know their feelings are valid and it is OK to feel a range of emotions. Express empathy and offer comfort.
- Provide information and resources. You can find resources on these webpages, or you can refer the survivor to REES, an online platform that has a resource section, and lays out several options they might want to pursue.
- Respect their wishes. Allow the person to make their own decisions about what they want to do. Don’t pressure them into doing what you think they should do.
- Follow up. Check in with the person to see how their doing, as a show of caring.
- Take care of yourself. Receiving a disclosure can be difficult and may trigger a range of emotions and reactions. Students can access supports through Wellness Services. College employees have access to the Employee and Family Assistance Program. Remember, your role is not to solve this situation. It’s to be supportive and to point the survivor to the people with the resources and services who are trained to help.
"I'm here to support you." - Let the survivor know that you're there for them and you believe them.
"It's not your fault." - Remind the survivor that they are not to blame for what happened to them.
"I'm sorry this happened to you." - Express empathy and compassion for the survivor's experience.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" - Ask the survivor what they need from you, whether it's listening, help finding resources, or just someone to sit with them.
"Thank you for sharing your story with me." - Acknowledge the courage it takes for a survivor to share their experience and validate their feelings.
"It wasn't that bad." - Don't downplay or minimize the survivor's experience. Gender-based and sexual violence is a serious and traumatic experience that can have long-lasting effects.
"What were you wearing?" - Don't ask about the survivor's clothing or behavior. This can imply that they somehow contributed to the assault or that they were "asking for it."
"Why didn't you fight back?" - Don't question the survivor's reaction to the assault. Everyone responds differently in traumatic situations, and freezing or dissociating is a common response to gender-based and sexual violence.
"Are you sure it wasn't just a misunderstanding?" - Don't doubt the survivor's experience or question their credibility.
"I know how you feel." - Don't assume that you understand the survivor's experience. Every survivor's experience is unique, and it's important to listen to their story without making assumptions.