As I think about all my relationships, I can't help but see the beauty and challenges based on the level of communication in each. Communication comes in all shapes and sizes and has a massive impact on the quality of our relationships. Take a stroll down the self-help section of any bookstore, and you will find a plethora of guides offering to help build our communication skills. Why is communication such a hot topic within organizational learning and development with so many tools available? 

In my last blog, I introduced categorizing skills as either durable or perishable and our Centre for Teaching, Learning and Innovation's (CTLI's) work on core competencies. CTLI describes core competencies "as soft skills, life skills, professional skills or employment skills," and communication made their list along with teamwork and collaboration, critical thinking, innovation, problem-solving, global citizenship, and career and personal development. So, let's explore communication. 

We live in a fast-paced world with a multitude of ways to communicate. I will be the first to admit I am better at some than others. Sit me in front of someone I know and care about, and I will likely communicate at a high level. Put me in a room filled with strangers, and now I must work a little harder to overcome some mental models of feeling small before I can communicate at the same level. Give me enough time with the written word, and I will do well while, if rushed, I'm likely to push out an email that leaves others shaking their heads and wondering "What was Jason thinking?" The reality is communication takes skill and effort. 

CTLI's definition of communication illustrates that there is more to it than one might think: "Communication is the ability to effectively read, write, speak, listen to, represent, and view information. Communication may be verbal, non-verbal, formal or informal, and is used for a variety of purposes, audiences and situations. Individuals demonstrate respect, responsibility and empathy when communicating with others."   

Merriam-Webster's online dictionary defines communication as "the act or process of using words, sounds, signs or behaviours to express or exchange information or to express your ideas, thoughts, feelings, etc., to someone else." 

As I look at the two definitions, I better understand how communication regularly comes up as a topic of concern when talking to Human Resource (HR) and Learning and Development (L&D) teams. Communication is multifaceted and complicated. And we have not even thrown in how emotions play a role within the topic.  

Self-Awareness 

When I think about communication, I feel we must begin with self-awareness. So much of how we communicate is rooted in our lived experiences and mental models. When someone unintentionally hits on one of my sore spots, I notice my ability to communicate effectively plummets. I work hard to bring awareness to my sore spots, mental models, biases and communication preferences. Once I bring attention to the above, I must understand how I listen. 

Listening 

I'm not necessarily the best at listening but am getting better at noticing when others feel the impact of poor listening. When I'm not listening, I see how quickly defensiveness appears, and communication deteriorates. Over the years, I've noticed it is not easy to recover from these conversations.  

Many different listening frameworks describe various listening levels. In a Harvard Business Review article. What Great Listeners Actually Do, Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman describe six listening levels. The levels are creating the environment, limiting distractions, seeking to understand, observing non-verbal cues, acknowledging feelings and asking questions. The elite listeners I have encountered have mastered all six and use them to increase communication within all their relationships. Their listening abilities naturally lead to higher levels of trust. 

Trust 

Take a moment and think about a relationship where you experienced low levels of trust. Now focus on bringing awareness to how this affected the way you showed up and communicated within this relationship. For me, low trust relationships naturally have me guarded and less willing to show vulnerability. I'm also prone to seeking confirmation bias in these types of relationships. As you can imagine, communication plummets when my guard is up, I'm unwilling to show vulnerability, and I'm seeking confirmation that the other person is at fault. Noticing this trend had me pursue a better understanding of trust. 

Ted Talks often spark my interest and leave me wanting to explore a topic further. Frances Frei's talk, How to build (and rebuild) trust, grabbed my attention and has not let go. In her talk, Frei outlines the three elements of trust: authenticity, empathy and logic. I argue all three elements are crucial to communicating effectively. Just think about how you communicate differently when you cannot show up as your authentic self or when you are in a situation where you feel like others do not care about you or your success. Poorly communicating logic comes up specifically as a barrier within Frei's talk. As I've tinkered with increasing the level of trust within relationships, I have noticed that the level of communication rises (I’m not sure which happens first, so this might be a chicken-or-the-egg situation). 

Most of us have lived experiences that illustrate how communication is a complex skill that can take a lifetime to master. Organizations that focus on helping their teams develop this durable skill will see increased engagement and performance. At LC Extension, we have solutions to help improve communication within your organization. Reach out to schedule a consultation.  

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